StephanieElizabeth | stephaniebeth
View all articles by stephaniebeth
Main Blog
  • A Sample of My Bucket List
    I have been deleting some personal boards off pinterest today. One of them was about my bucket list and I couldn't beer to completely delete it, because the visuals are so powerful and *pretty* as silly as that sounds. Its one thing to have everything written down on a list but quite another to have it in picture form. Enjoy!

    1.

     2.
     3.
    4.
     5.
     6.
     7.
     8.

  • I'm Changing the Way I Use Pinterest!
    If anyone follows me on Pinterest, you'll notice that I have a lot of pins! As of today (21 Oct 2012), I have over 6000 pins! That's just crazy if you ask me! I've decided to delete most of my pins and boards (41) and focus on quality over quanity.

    For me that means getting rid of pins that don't reflect the person I want people to see me as on the internet, show pins that will help the world, that are not of a personal nature and are not repetitive.

    I will get rid of boards/pins that:
    -Reflect an unhealthy lifestyle/overindulgence
    -Show my tastes/preferences in fashion
    -Reveal my bucketlist
    -Have been done over and over again
    -Are pinned incorrectly
    -Show the negativity I feel inside

    Instead, I will save these pins in different folders on my computer and look at them in my own time. The problem with having thousands of pins is that you can't keep track of them very well and there is no guarantee they will still be online in a day from now. I am sure many of the pins I have saved have been taken offline now, so I really regret not backing them up sooner.

    My boards bother me because they remind me of how much money I don't have, how unskilled I am at painting my nails, cooking and sewing, they make me feel ungrateful for the things in my life, stir up an unloving spirit of greed and jealousy, tempt me with things I don't need or didn't know about before, make me more materialistic than I was before, show people the bitterness I hold in my heart without them knowing why, make idols out of celebrities, distract me from things I can do, distract me from my real life goals, make me forget what is really important in life etc.

    With the pins I collect, I will make interesting and informative blogs, develop my own style, dreams and taste in private, grow and become a better person, find interesting, insightful and funny things to share with my friends on facebook.

    I also have a goal to share more of my own creations on pinterest. At the moment I've just been collecting other peoples ideas and not plugging any of my own stuff because I have been living through other people and not trying anything new myself.

    It is so frustrating when you are fascinated by a picture you see on pinterest, so you click through it expecting to see a tutorial, a blog post or somewhere you can buy a product but the link doesn't go anywhere or is out of date. If you have less pins, you can keep a better eye on such things.
  • Life Update
    Sorry I haven't written for a few months. I wanted to write on here everyday, but I'm not sure how realistic that goal was. Okay, okay, the goal was probably fine, but the problem is I have about fifty medium sized goals at a time, and no-one can keep up with that many projects...

    -We have had really crappy internet. When we moved house, we had to use ''t-sticks'' for the first two months or so and those were expensive. Something like $80 for 4 gigs, and with four people using that it disappeared pretty quickly as you can imagine. We probably went through 2-3 of those a month. We just switched to another plan which is 40 gigs between midnight and midday and 7 gig for the rest of the month. We had a boy visit that likes his videos and went through the out of hours internet within a week! It has been horrible trying to refrain from using the internet between 12pm-12am. Nope, can't do it! Luckily we still have use of the t-stick but its getting cut off soon and dad's work ipad has 3g, so if there's an emergency (like we need to see the movie times or something!) we have limited access.

    -My mental health has taken a sky dive. I was setting up to forty goals a month and ploughing through them, but I found I couldn't maintain that level of achievement. I ended up not being able to get anything done, feeling incredibly burnt out and getting really depressed. I've probably gone through eight periods of feeling suicidal since I last blogged.

    -The lifestyle block is starting to feel a lot more like a farm and less like a deserted piece of land. We now have two dogs, two cats, eight chickens, two lambs and two kid goats. I hate it. I always thought I was an animal person but I hate the constant feeding, exercising and cleaning up after other creatures. I have enough trouble looking after myself! I enjoy animals... from afar, and on my plate! Its really funny how much I am lacking in self awareness, surely one would know whether they are an animal person or not?

    -My dad was on tv for weight watchers. I've ordered a calorie guide which should be in the mail soon. My parents brought me a xtrainer for my birthday which I was originally planning on paying for. We got it cheap but had problems with the company selling it. They were nice at first then total pricks. Luckily we found someone else to fix it when we got other things around the house fixed. I'll know who to call next time. I also have a gym ball and a yoga mat which I never use. The xtrainer is getting used as a towel hanger more than as a workout machine. I'm scared my dad will be right about me never using it. We CANT have that!

    -I finally feel like I have friends here. When my birthday came up I send out facebook invites to everyone within a two hour ratio of me. Four people came. Three were from my area. Everyone got on really well. One girl was from my highschool and drove eight hours to be there. Another was a family friend. One was someone I met at a Christian camp a few years ago, we came from different cities and the last was in the church/youth group I went to when I was in highschool. It was good to reconnect with people. For the last year, I've only had one person to hang out with, but now I have three. Hopefully I'll meet more people through them. I haven't found a church I'm comfortable with yet, but lets be honest, I haven't been trying that hard!

    -I'm seeing a psychiatrist now. There haven't been any tears yet, just lots of laughing. I asked her about Meyer Briggs but she hadn't heard of/studied it. She knew about ennegram though. I believe I'm a type four, although I'm not sure about my wings or tritypes. She's weaning me off Epilium and putting me on something else. Hopefully I can reverse the forty or so kilo's I've put on since moving to England and getting back!

    -The job search has been halted because I haven't felt up to writing a hundred million different cover letters. It does my head in. I only actually applied for fifteen to forty jobs and got short-listed twice. One day I was feeling suicidal and worn out and had spent the day hiding in my closet crying and retreating in my own space and my dad came to comfort me. I told him how stressful the work situation had been on me and he managed to change my whole attitude. He told me that most people apply for hundreds of jobs and most don't get short-listed at all. He said only about six people are usually interviewed, so if I get short-listed for twelve different jobs I am likely to get one of them. Previous to that conversation I thought I was doing terribly but apparently I'm actually doing damn well! It's funny I got called back at all because I went through my CV the other day and discovered that my cellphone number was wrong and there were multiple stupid spelling mistakes! The amazing thing is that a job agency helped me put it together so you'd think we would have found the mistakes sooner! I also have a new helper at the work agency I go to and she's been really nice. We're thinking about making a few different CVs because I'm not just interested in Data Entry- I pretty much apply for anything that sounds interesting, whether its selling smoke alarms, school photography, working in a office or doing something at the meat works. For me, I'm not looking for a career just something to get some sort of experience and make money. The CVs will cover positions for photography, data entry, childcare and data entry. Those are the sorts of roles I'm most likely to apply for. Oh, and I'm signed with two recruitment agencies now, but they don't really have any work right now. They could call me any day though!

    -I ended up with a lot of money (for me) and because I couldn't remember where it came from, I kept spending it. I probably got through about $400 in three days... sheesh! Some of it was from caring for an Autistic boy for a week with my family, some was left over from my weekly payments and the rest was birthday money and vouchers. I made a list of things I needed to buy then went off in a completely different direction... my mum brought me a full length mirror because I've wanted one for a while and she didn't really get me much for my birthday (two necklaces and a cup- the xtrainer was a thought that came much later), and I somehow walked out with a beanbag... wtf? I brought a few books I saw recommended by heaps of people on Meyer Briggs forums (The Five Love Languages and Please Understand Me II), Daria Boxset, discounted soup mug, big travel mugs (holds 420mLs), two bags of dog food, worm tablets (for the dog, not me, lol) etc. I was going to buy mum her slow cooker because I FINALLY had enough money but she didn't know what one she wanted (only that it was about $130) so with my lack of self control I ended up spending the money on other things. I really needed to buy new underwear but I'll probably do that next week instead. Its probably a good thing I don't get money too often because it gets spent way too quickly- I went a little crazy. I'm sure everything will be ok. If I ever win lotto (which I won't), I'll probably have to get the money freezed for a year so I don't end up spending it all on junk. What's wrong with me? Lol. Opps.
  • A Brief Thought About Goal Setting
    I think I need to start setting goals based on effort and set tasks rather than outcomes.

    Theres no guarantee I'll lose weight, but I can always increase the amount of exercise I do, work harder, increase my fitness level, cut inches from my waist (again, not a specific amount), eat cleaner, learn new recipes etc.

    This applies for everything though, not just losing weight.

    Nothing is guaranteed.

    It makes ''get a job'' seem like a silly goal as well, because its completely out of your control whether you'll be selected for an interview or the actual job. The *goal* should be something like ''apply for three jobs everyday'' or ''make myself more employable by doing *this* *this* and *this*.'' Etc.

    Seems more achievable, right?

    Its not that I'm a pessimist, its just, the results we want aren't always going to happen. We will improve for the better in some way by doing these things.
  • Goals for August 2012
    Do with Dad
    () Go 10 Pin Bowling
    () Go through work contract
    (x) Learn what to do under hood of car
    (x) Learn how to change a tire
    (-/x) Talk about giveways and double roundabouts
    () Learn his cellphone number
    (x) Convince him to get a key cut for my car (so he'll stop using mine!) (I ended up getting one cut for him!)

    Social
    () Learn mums cellphone number
    (x) Buy my sister a birthday present
    () Join Gym
    (I) Go to church at least 3x
    () Have a cake making contest with my other sister

    Work
    () Apply for at least 10 jobs/Get job
    () Buy work clothes (if I need to)
    () Practice touch typing.
    () Get a driving instructor

    Bedroom
    (x) Rearrange furniture
    () Find a dressing table
    () Hang things on wall
    () Take photos of room and closet

    Health
    () Take pills everyday
    () Exercise daily
    () Cleanse, tone, brush teeth and hair as needed

    Learn
    () Make final notes on roadcode
    () Go through suggested driving lessons with parents
    () Learn postcode and phone number

    Buy
    (x) Gym ball

    Read
    (x) Catching Fire
    () Anne of Ingleside
    () Rainbow Valley
    () Rilla of Ingleside
    () The Road to Yesterday

    Find
    () My nude bra
    (x) My Harry Potter Books
    (x) My Art History Book

    Other
    () Take body measurements weekly
    () Go to bed by 10pm every night
    () Get down to 106 kilos
    () Take photos everyday
    (x) Do more gardening

    I only achieved about five of my goals from last month. I think the problem is that I didn't sit down to see what I could do each day/week and I wasn't really motivated to make changes. Also, a lot of my goals weren't possible because of lack of internet. I've made separate goal sheets up for anything internet related. I've also kickstarted some of my goals by writing down my parents cellphone numbers and sticking them on the wall, infront of my computer and rearranging my furniture when I was feeling restless one night. I think the fact that it isn't even the end of the first day yet and I've achieved 3 goals already is definitely a good thing!

    This month, I'm hoping to achieve a bigger proportion of my goals by getting my mum and dad involved. I'm going to write them each a letter with things I would like them to do for/with me, and I have invited them to do the same with me if they would like. I hate that goals whether they are daily things, part of a five year plan or something off the bucketlist are often dependant on other people. It makes them that much harder to achieve- what if the other person doesn't want to help you?

    Anyway...

    This morning I got up at 5am, so I was feeling a bit tired by 7am. I wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and go back to sleep, but instead I made myself go through my goals for this month, and find some things to work on.

    I decided I would look for my Harry Potter books and my Art History book which were packed away. I had about 30 boxes of stuff to go through, that still hadn't been unpacked since moving house, so I headed down to the second lounge/library and started digging.

    It took about an hour to find my Harry Potter books, then another 30-40 minutes to find the Art History book. It was definately worthwhile, because I also found 3/4 of the Anne of Green Gables books that aren't available at the library that I was hoping to read this month, Scattergories and Scene It (board games), a skipping rope, some track pants, my Ben and Jerries icecream book, a To Do List pad that I brought years ago, a whole lot of recipes, a cook book, speakers and a cup holder with a kiwi on it.
    I think I will vaccum soon, the house needs it. Then rake some leaves. I'm expecting to be contacted by some work places this week, I applied for six jobs. I've gotten one rejection email so now my fingers are crossed for interviews.

    I have made some goals for today... they are:
    -Vaccum
    -Write a letter to my friend, my mum and my dad
    -Pick up leaves around the pool and consider doing some other gardening
    -Play with the dogs
    -Go for a decent sweat inducing walk
    -Make a phone call
    -Write out post code
    -Take photos of my bedroom
    -Tidy my bedroom
    -Go for a driving lesson
    -Read a good chunk of my book (I only have it out for a week)

    Goals for tomorrow
    -Send letter to friend
    -Buy stickers (or something) for friend
    -Buy Bio Oil or Body Butter for sisters birthday
    -Buy gym ball
    -Make phone call
    -Go for a driving lesson
    -Read
    -Do more gardening, pick up rest of leaves around pool
My Weight Management Blog
  • Day 4 Food Diary and Update
    Ok, so I haven't logged my last two days of food. I intended to do two days back yesterday morning but never got around to it. I planned on doing yesterdays last night and same story. *Sigh*. Oh well. New day, new start.

    Its 5:44, so don't be concerned by my lack of food. I'll update again later.

    Breakfast
    1/2 can baked beans, 1/2 can tinned tomatoes (set aside the other halves for tomorrow)
    3 mandarins

    Interesting fact- I didn't eat my first orange until I was 17! Crazy. I did try mandarins and nectarines before that, but I hated the texture and the white crusty bits between the mandarin and the peel. I still spend a long time getting rid of all of it before I stick it in my mouth. I've also had a lifelong hatred of orange juice, but I don't mind juices that are made in my jucier. Delicious when combined with apples! Can't wait to use it again :) Still, its better to use the whole fruit than just the filling, because just having the juice is bad for your teeth, and having the other bits is more nutritional and filling.

    I tracked my food for a few months on sparkpeople last year, when I was doing a lot of walking and I lost about 10 kilos. It was really helpful. I never do anything in halves. Either I'm under eating or overeating, its not very often that I eat the right amount of food. I like sparkpeople.com because they let you know where you need to catch up on your nutritional needs (too low on carbs, or fats or protein etc) or when you haven't eaten enough. You also get a quick idea of when you are overeating and malnourished. If you eat healthy, you can eat a lot more food for less calories. Its a sweet deal.

    I haven't had any comments on this blog yet, but someone did read my blog and suggest that I track what I usually eat for two weeks than make changes. I just don't think I should keep putting my diet/lifestyle change off. I haven't made any process or stuck to good eating at all, so maybe I should follow their suggestion. I have been doing some work in the garden though. I had the brilliant idea to clear some of the leaves on the side of the house, and there was this ugly tree growing sideways with nothing off it but ugly branches, so I convinced my sister to help pull it out, and then upset the parents when they told us it was a grape vine! Opps! I think my gardening days are over. I'll just stick to picking up leaves and assisting mum from now on.

    Another issue thats been going on is that I haven't been taking my pills for the last week or so. I don't know what it is. Laziness? Forgetfulness? ''Oh, I didn't take my pill this morning, so I'm not going to bother taking it tonight?''.
    I told my mum this morning so she can keep an eye on me. She doesn't tend to keep me accountable for things unless its important to her, like getting the dishes done. I might ask my sister to remind me, but I don't know if she'll remember. She spends the most time with me, so thats probably my best bet. Having alarms on my phone hasn't helped much because I don't usually have it with me, or I don't want to get up at 7 o'clock in the morning everyday to take a pill than crawl back into bed. My laziness is probably the reason I get sick. Most complaints about people with Bipolar are about those who have been off their meds, so I should probably be careful about that. I have a pill infront of me now, and I'm about to take it.

    I haven't actually joined the gym yet. Its like, ''why bother?''- my eating habits still suck!

    Grr. I suck at this!
  • Just some thoughts
    -I need to start being pickier with my clothing choices. Some of this has been due to lack of funds, which explains buying things made out of cheap fabric, but I need to buy things that suit my body, so theres more of a demand for it in my body. Even when I was a slim, young girl, I had trouble finding things long enough for my torso and arms. I have a few jackets and coats now and they only go about two thirds down my lower arm, which really isn't good enough. Why is everything, even the bigger sizes, all modelled after girls who are probably only 5'3? What good is that for those who are 5'6 and up? (I'm 5'8). I shouldn't have to shop in special stores to find coats that fit, I'm not THAT tall.

    -Why did I eat so badly today? Was it because I knew I wasn't joining the gym until tomorrow and there would be no exercise today? Is that any excuse to put off healthy eating?

    -Somehow I've been calling what I've been doing a lifestyle change, without really changing anything. A lifestyle change should mean that your whole life changes and is impacted. You need to do everything different, not just diet and exercise. That means, getting out of the house, taking up new classes, meeting different sorts of people, finding things to do instead of sitting in front of the tv and computer, setting goals for yourself etc. I've found that when I try to just change my diet and exercise, I'm not fully focused on change, I only remember that I'm trying to do things differently for about twenty minutes a day, so nothing really changes. If I schedule in different activities everyday, and spend time either there or getting ready to go there, then I'll always be as focused as I need to be. Just arranging to get off three or four bus stops earlier or park further away from the mall isn't going to be enough, unless I'm making lots of changes like that.
  • Day 1 food diary
    Todays intake was disastrous! No wonder my weight keeps going up!

    Breakfast
    Two chocolate chip muffins
    A salad

    Lunch
    Toasted bun with Marmite and butter
    1 banana and 2 mandarins
    1 chocolate muffin
    2 glasses milk or was it 3?

    Afternoon Tea
    a Diet Coke
    Butter Chicken wrap (was out with friends)

    Dinner
    A piece of schnitzel
    assorted vegetables
    A bread bun with 2 slices cheese and mashed potato
    1/2 box salt and vinegar rice crackers
    1 chocolate muffin
    1 glass juice
    2 glasses milk
    1 cup of tea

    See? Terrible! Still, its probably good to have a few crappy days where you guys can see what my starting point was like. Usually my diet is 90% good with a few bad things thrown in, but today was bad, even for me. Bad, but delicious.
  • Week 1 Measurements
    Height: 174cms/5'8

    Weight:111.8 kilos/246.4lbs

    Waist:108cms
    Hips:114cms
    Stomach:120cms
    Thigh:74cms
    Upper Arm:36cms
    Neck:43cms
    Calf:49cms
    Bust:114cms
    Knee: 46cms/48cms
    Below Bust:107cms

    Waist to Hip Ratio: 0.95
    Needs to be below 0.80
    BMI: 37.46

    Since I took measurements earlier in the year, I have gained about 9 kilos. Its interesting seeing the difference in measurements, I had added a lot less cms to different parts of my body than I would have expected. The biggest difference was on my stomach, which shouldn't have been so much of a surprise! Thats always been my worst area, even when I was slim I had a big gut. Some parts of my body were the same.

    It makes me wonder how much difference there will be between now and getting to my goal weight, since the measurements between now and the measurements I mentioned weren't so different. I guess they'll have to be pretty different if I want to go down several clothing sizes!

    I'm planning on joining the gym this week

    Oh, and my food today so far as has been 2 chocolate chip muffins (home made, so they weren't as big as you would expect, but still, not the best start to the day!), a salad with dressing and a glass of milk.

    I'm really happy, because this week I'm getting signed to an employment agency, a friend I haven't seen for ten years is visiting (which is a long time when you're 22!) and we got our first deep freezer in three years after living in England! Yay! Now I can make meals in bulk and freeze it! (I guess its pretty obvious what I'm most excited about... sad)
  • Strategies for July/August 2012
    Only Drink Water
    I drink an insane amount of milk. I probably go through 1-2 litres a day without any assistance. I always seem to crave it, I guess its just as much a food as it is a drink. Don't worry, we get skim. I don't think it tastes as good as it used to though. We found out my Dad has Osteoporosis this year, so maybe my body is trying to stock up on calcium to avoid me inheriting such a condition? I also drink a lot of tea, which isn't so much of a problem. Honestly, its been a real blessing because I struggle to drink straight water. I find Diet Coke/Pepsi addictive, but we don't tend to have it in the house. I am also a big fan of Tomato Juice. Oh, and Chocolate Milkshakes- just the ''Make a Shake'' powder and milk though. I only drink Alcohol once or twice a year, and I don't really enjoy it.

    Keep My Eating Hours Between 7:30am and 6:30pm
    Most of my eating probably happens when everyone else is in bed. I often have trouble sleeping, or just enjoy being up at night time because I don't have anyone around, telling me what to do or distracting me. 20-40% of my food intake can happen after dinner if I'm not being careful. Its not surprising, sometimes I don't have my first bit of food until 4pm!

    Do This Every Morning After Waking Up and Every Night Before Going to Bed
    • 200 punches (alternating, in a medium squat)
    • 15 push ups (against a wall or chair if you need)
    • 20 squats
    • 1 minute of jumping jacks
    • 1 minute of skipping straight up
    • 1 minute of lunges
    • 1 minute of skipping straight up (again!)
    • 1 minute of jumping jacks (again)
    • 100 crunches!
        -26 "normal", 24 alternating sides, 25 with legs extended up, then 25 normal.

    The lovely @tennisx92 on sparkpeople.com came up with this list. It was in this board topic- Little Things That Add Up


    Snack on Fruits/Vegetables/Yoghurt/Toast
    Because most ''snack food'' seems to be between 300-600 calories, and that isn't a snack, its a meal! Apparently the French don't snack at all, they have 3-4 main meals a day, and they like to savour every bite. Apparently some schools have three course meals at lunch time! I'm not a great cook and since I don't really know how to live that way, I'll stick with my snacks- I'll just try and make better choices!
My Photography Blog
  • A Collection of Me from Photobooth


    Ever since I got my iMac, I've been striving to take a picture a day for a year. I'm only about three months in, but already I've built up quite a collection. Enjoy!
  • Recent Snaps of Tahi (My dog)
    Here are some pictures I've taken of my dog recently:

    Photobucket

    Photobucket

    Photobucket

    Photobucket

    Photobucket

    Photobucket

    I did some post processing work on these photos but it seems to have vanished. Damn iphoto! I'm not sure where the photos are stored, but they must be on my computer somewhere. Sorry about that!

  • Legally Blonde
    Bye bye brown hair!

    I thought this photo was fabulous. It was a risk to say the least, who takes a camera into the hair salon? I just wish I'd edited my teeth before uploading this to the internet. Ugh!
  • Winter at Night
    This photowalk really gave me the confidence to play with my settings in the future and venture out when the lighting conditions don't seem so good. Everything was quite dark but as you can see, there is still alot of colour present. For this I am thankful :)

    Photobucket
    Photobucket
    Photobucket
    Photobucket
    Photobucket
  • Winter Photodump from 4th/7th and the 8th

    Photobucket 












    Photobucket 
    <br:)>

    Photobucket
    PhotobucketPhotobucket
    PhotobucketPhotobucket
    PhotobucketPhotobucket
    Photobucket
My Fashion Blog
  • I really want one of these
    ...but for decorative purposes. My mum was going to get one for me for my birthday last year, but she said they were £200+. Thats fair enough. If I start sewing, maybe purchasing one wouldn't be such a crazy idea. At the moment, it would be a waste of money. My mum has made plenty of clothes and has got by without a mannequin, so I probably don't need one either. I just think they're cute!
  • Make-up Haul
    I am now living in New Zealand. We left on Saturday, and it is now Tuesday, both in England and New Zealand. At the airport, mum gave me £20 to spend and I had £10. I loved the things they were selling at Accessorise, espesically the bags, but the good, useful items, like the satchels all started at £35, and I didn't really want to be stuck with one item, or to ask mum for more money. I'm good like that.

    Instead I went to Claires. I've been wanting to go there for ages, the Airport has alot of great shops! The make-up, jewellery etc, aren't the best quality, but I can't really afford expensive things. I brought enough with my money that all I really need now is a few lipglosses and a good foundation.

    I think once I have some sort of income, I will put aside $10 a month or so for makeup. I will go to the make-up counter in town occassionally and try on different eye shadow colours and lipsticks. I like wearing make-up, but I don't have much skill applying it. Or maybe everything I buy is just terrible quality. I don't know. What I do know, is often when I apply it, after half an hour or so, it starts to melt off and I end up looking like a clown, a cheap prostitute or a cross dresser. Its not the best. I wonder if its a result of sweating more because I'm overweight. I'm not really sure, but if that is the case, hopefully it won't be a problem for much longer, because 2012 or 2013 will be the year I reach my goal weight range of 63-70 kilos!

    I made a promise to myself. In the past, I have lost alot of weight and I looked GREAT! However, because I was still overweight and bigger than I should have been, I put myself into a awkward situation and ended up losing all of my confidence in my appearance. I went to this musesum with my friend in 2009, called Science Alive. They had this pentagram shaped mirror that you had to crawl into, to look at yourself. I thought it would be an interesting experiance, but seeing myself from so many angles made me look like crap. I was 85 kilos, down from 100 kilos and wearing a size Medium. I had the same experiance trying on bras from Marks and Spensers. There were only three mirrors, but I felt terrible looking at them. My promise to myself, is not to put myself into that situation until I am 70 kilos. The first 15 kilos made such a big difference on the way I looked, imagine what another 15 kilos would do? I guess toning up a bit will help as well!

    I think I have body dsymorphia. I see myself as being alot smaller than I actually am- until I see myself in certain mirrors or pictures. I think its kind of a good thing, because otherwise I would be too paranoid and self conscious to ever leave the house! I don't feel like a moderately obese girl, I feel like a slim girl stuck in a fat persons body. Its one of the reasons I hate the way some people treat me, they don't really see me as I am, they just see the packaging, and it aint pretty. When I got down to 85 kilos, I suddenley felt like people were checking me out all the time. I was able to purchase clothing that was alot nicer and I felt more comfortable in my skin. I was able to express myself better with what I was wearing basically. I felt offended because I was exactly the same person on the inside, I just looked better on the outside, but people were suddenley treating me better and it was extremely unfair. If I lose weight again, I'm not really sure how I'll deal with that.

    Anyway, I was going to show you the make-up I snatched up at Claires, so here it is. Please don't hate me, I didn't really bring any other make-up over from England, so I had to start from scratch! I'll probably have to do the same thing when I finally get down to a size 6-12 (I'm not really sure what my figure is capible of, or what it will look like at the end of this journey!)


    A make-up kit, glitter eyeshadow palate, false eyelashes, an eyelash curler and perfume sticks.


    A make-up kit with 14 eyeshadows, six blushes (at least I think thats what they are!), four lip colours, 2 eye pencils (black and brown), a make-up brush, two make-up swop things and mascara.

    Something I've been wanting to do, after hearing about Gok Wan, is to put together a capsule wardrobe or 3. Something like this:

    Of course I don't have enough money. And I don't want to spend much until I'm down to 70 kilos. Oh and then theres the fact that my mum thinks I have heaps of clothes. Its just not true. I think if I had a nice body, I would shop often, and have kept most of the clothes I've brought in the last 7 years, waiting for them to come back into fashion, so I'd probably have 10x more than I have now. Plus most of the clothes I have at the moment don't match up well with each other and are terrible quality.

    I've thought another smart idea would be collecting fashion pictures off the internet, then buying one item I like, such as a printed teeshirt or denim shorts, and seeing how many possible ways people have paired that item with other things, and buy as many combinations of that outfit as possible. I also want to start buying ''whole outfits'' rather than just one piece at a time, so I always have things to wear with each other.

    I don't think I'll be buying much from the shops. Everything is so expensive, there isn't always alot of variety, and its not like I have the support of my parents. If I want a great wardrobe, I am going to have to hit the op shops and learn how to sew. Those are two things I'm sure my parents will be okay with. I'm also going to try and create a clothing budget, like $10-25 a week that I can spend. I'm not sure if thats a reasonable amount or not. I would like to spend alot more, but that would involve having a good income or a sugar daddy or some sort. I'm hoping to run a successful business one day. I don't want to go back to the days of dressing like a bag lady because my clothes were basically the quality of rags. That was an embarrassing time for me!
  • 5 Clothing items I would like right now (or when I'm skinny!)
    1. A jean jacket
     (I would also like a cropped one, and some in a few different colours, like white)
    2. A satchel bag

    (I have a slight obsession with owls at the moment- they're everywhere though!)

    3. A nude coloured bra

    4. A bib necklace


    5. Cameo Stuff


  • First
    We are moving back to New Zealand. This has not been an easy decision for my parents and I, but it was the right thing to do.

    I have wanted to start a fashion blog for a while, but I don't exactly have a desirable wardrobe, or body to clothe. I don't want to run a plus sized clothing blog either, because in my mind, I am a skinny person screaming to come out!

    Since we are moving home, I thought now would be the ideal time to start writing in here. Most of my clothes are getting shipped in a storage container back to NZ, and I only have about a week and a halves worth of clothing in my suitcase. Last time we moved overseas, I replaced my clothes pretty quickly. They weren't neccessarily things I liked, but I needed things so I didn't have much choice. Also, by the time things arrived (over a year after we moved!) I realised my clothes were so horrible and poor quality I ended up chucking the majority of them out. My clothes improved slightly in that time, but not much. I just never have money to spend on those sorts of things.

    So what do I spend money on? Well I like getting a new computer game occassionally, I love collecting DVDs, I recently got a new computer and I have been buying camera equipment. Its unfortunate my hobbies are so expensive, because it doesn't leave much money for anything else. Because of my bipolar, I haven't had much money coming in, so I have been saving up pocket money.

    Back to my other point about moving back home, I will be getting a job, so I will have more money. I'm also hoping to buy a few new things once I'm settled because I will have to go to interviews, I want to spend more time working out, and the state of the two bras I own is appalling.

    Since I'm a size 16-20 at the moment, I will probably be mostly writing on my weightloss blog to start off with. Once I get to my goal weight, a year from now, I will probably write on here more, because I will have a nice body to dress!

    For now you should read this blog. I love it! http://dailyfashionboost.blogspot.com/ She started out like me, without many nice clothes, but over three years she has built up quite a collection! She rarely wears the same thing twice, and she has a whole book shelf filled with shoes, a mannequin that she designs dresses on and two clothing racks filled with dresses, tops and jackets. She also takes daily photos of what shes wearing, and as a result ends up with lots of real nice pictures of herself, around her hometown.

    I don't think I would spend as much money on clothes as her, because I have too many other interests, but I'm definately inspired by her! She seems like a fun girl too :)

sign in

Username
Password
Remember Me


New to IM faceplate? join free!

Lost Password? click here