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bowflex pr3000

Apr 16th 2012 at 10:43 PM




Each of the crimes had the same formula; the victims were always women in their early twenties, had Polish ancestry, and were dating illegal immigrants from Brazil. The murder weapon in each case was a Bowflex, and the victims seemed to have been strapped to the device and pulled apart by the weights in a slow process that could last anywhere from ten minutes to fifty two days. Many were thought to have been forced to watch Stephen King movies while strapped to the Bowflex in a diabolical form of torture. It is still unknown to this day as to why, but all of the women were found completely covered in molasses and each of them had a "vote Nader"" button lodged in their mouths.
bowflex pr3000


In an effort to halt future slayings at the hands of a Bowflex unit, the manufactures placed a warning on the side of the device, detailing how the victims died (complete with photographs, or in some cases, engravings) with step by step instructions on how the killer tortured and mangled his victims. This way Bowflex owners would know how not to accidently die or kill someone.

In order to reclaim lost sales in the wake of the Bowflex Murders, new infomercials hosted by Billy Mays were broadcast for 24 hours on March 13, 2020 with a variation in the underlying color spectrum in order to cast a subliminal message to all viewers. Sales figures immediately grew to 49 bajillion percent over the course of fifteen days. With the success of the subliminal advertising, Bowlfex launched a campaign to advertise across space and time itself.

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