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Judy Helm Wright, of Missoula, Montana is a wise woman with a global message. As an author of over 20 books on Amazon, she writes about Responsibility, Respect & Resiliency.

Judy is a popular motivational speaker and has worked all over the world with families and groups just like yours.

You will find her warm, witty and wise as she guides and mentors others to be their best self.
Judy Helm Wright | judyhwright

Your Top 4 Secret Fears and Anxieties About Dating-Overcoming Anxiety

Sep 1st 2010 at 10:04 AM

Overcome anxiety and fear about dating

What if she doesn't like me? What if she thinks I am dumb? What if he expects me to pick up the tab for dinner? What if I say the wrong thing and she laughs at me? What if she says no? What if she says yes?

Not only is dating filled with anxiety anyway, it is especially hard if you are just going back to the dating scene after a divorce or breakup in a relationship. it is hard enough to be confident when you feel secure and strong, but when you are vulnerable it is especially difficult.

Negative Thoughts and Erroneous Beliefs

Many times the mind chatter and distorted thoughts running over and over in our brain is based on what might happen. We worry so much about what has happened in the past or what will happen in the future, that we completely miss the present moment.

In a perfect world, we would all have been born and raised by awesome parents who gave us unconditional love and acceptance. We would then grow up with high self esteem and feel good about who and what we are.

However, the world is not perfect and neither are humans. We all have flaws and quirks that if not pointed out by our parents, certainly were by former friends, lovers and clerks at the store..No matter how many positive strokes we have had, we tend to remember, focus and think about negatives.

Four Secret Fears That Rob Us of Meaningful Relationships

  1. The fear of failure. When people expect perfection of themselves and others, they are destined to be disappointed.
  2. The fear of rejection. This goes beyond normal concern and almost sets up a situation so that we will have our expectations of rejection met.
  3. The fear of the future. This fear is projected on what if this happens or that happens. As the opening questions showed, we dream up scenarios of all sorts of things that may or may not come to pass. The time to worry about them is when and if they actually come to pass.
  4. Fear of our intimacy. Once again this is a fear that may very well be unfounded. We fear that we will be asked to share more of ourselves than we are willing to share. The reality is that we can determine the amount of information or sexuality that we want to share with another person.


Honest Communication Eases Fear

If you are feeling fear in a dating situation, stop and become aware of your own negative thoughts or beliefs. Are they serving you as an adult? if not. then let them go. Re-frame your belief system to be more optimistic and less pressured by what you think others are thinking.

It may not even be true. And if it is true, you are capable of dealing with anything. You have succeeded at many things in the past and you will succeed at this also. I am confident in you.

Building Self Confidence

You are much better than you think you are. Don't take and make comments as personal attacks. As you grow in your inner strength, you will be able to act and think with more self confidence and self assurance.

(c) Judy H. Wright You have permission to reprint this article in your blog, ezine or offline magazine as long as you keep the content and contact information intact. Thank You.

Be sure to sign up to receive the ezine (newsletter) The Artichoke-finding the heart of the story in the journey of life at You will be sent a free eBook on Using Encouraging Words.
Artichoke Press is the home site of Judy H. Wright, family relationship coach and author of over 20 books and many articles on family relationships. If your organization would like to schedule Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer, for a workshop please call 406.549.9813.
You are also invited to visit our blog at for answers and suggestions which will enhance your relationships. You will also find a full listing of free tele-classes and radio shows held each Thursday just for you.

Thanks for joining our community of caring parents, family members,coaches, teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults who respect others.

Please to comment
Sep 18th 2010 at 9:42 PM by bmshepp
This is a great article Judy. I think that parents do have a lot to do with how their children think when they get older which does effect everything in their lives. It's sad, but the true.
Sep 12th 2010 at 11:27 PM by cmsolution
I think to overcome on this fear parents support is essential? These fears are rooted in the personality due to parents behavior. What do you say?
Sep 1st 2010 at 2:23 PM by judyhwright
Hello from Montana: Oh yeah, been there and done that. I have really had to have a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig mindshift to start charging for my wisdom and experience.
Sep 1st 2010 at 12:44 PM by vitalwebs
Great article Judy. What do you think about "Fear of Success"? I think this can be a major intimidating factor for some people if they fear the pressure of repeating or exceeding a goal.

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