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Win Lose In a Relationship

Lock It Self Victory
The term of this lose-win very often we come up with in the practice of relationship with others (Relationship). The relationship here could include the relationship in public areas (business partners, professional colleagues, lecturers, etc.) and relationships in private areas (husband and wife, family, friends, etc.). The form can also be material and non material, may be in the results or in the form of the process.

The urge to get that victory, if by Horne (Our Inner Conflict, 1945), including one human needs or include an innate instinct of everyone. According to him, human needs can be grouped into three:

1. Humans need to move toward others to get love, acceptance, compassion, respect, etc.
2. Humans need to move away from others to gain freedom, independence, peace, etc.
3. Humans need to move against another person to show strength, victory, or greatness, etc.

However, his name is also innate. It is the innate potential. That potential raw material. Therefore, can be harmful and could be profitable. It depends on how that potential is processed or "educated\". Someone I know, let's call her name A, realizes that her relationship with others that had been lost, although previously he had always considered it a victory.

When I was young, he was feeling a temperament A high and a perfectionist. With blood in his youth, he always had a standard that others who need to understand who he is. Coupled with his mastery of the skill that high, it was perfect standard to be applied. Few found irregularities in others, directly out ultimatums. This made him frequently changing business partners, and also moved a lot of work.

Over time, he apparently changed his mind. In conclusion, a victory that he had glorified, it is less able to provide quality long-lasting relationships. The urge to always have to win it even led to the defeat in the future. Shape, among others: the relation is not much, the relation is only temporary, lack of loyal supporters, and so on.

From a number of similar cases that often we meet, it is always relative and victory is relative, as far as we understand it as a synonym for the defeat of others. Why? Besides often driven by passion, victory by beating the other person will create resistance. This is because no human being who want to be defeated. Therefore, His strong doctrine teaches that until we have to win against any other person, should not make others fall in prices.

So the victory was not relative and not relative, wisdom teachings in this world invites us to understand the victory was not like that. The victory was not to be understood as a synonym for the defeat of others, especially in the practice of everyday relationships, but the victory over self. Victory over self is the form that we achieve victory by mastering an innate instinct to win so do not make us lose, eventually.

"The more people who managed to beat us,
often only made us increasingly weak positions"

Some characteristics of Self Victory
The man who won over him was not a figure who has never advanced to compete in a lose-win relationship. The man who won over him was not a very good figure, so too will be victimized by others. The man who won over him was not a man who never mad at anyone else.

Need we recall that the victory itself that there is at the level of interpersonal relationships between us and ourselves. That there are others who opened the door of lose-win contest, there are other people who harm and benefit, there are others that need to be respected or reprimanded, that\'s all there at the level of interpersonal relations between us and others.

In essence, the man who triumphed over him was still doing the things that human life or still face realities consequences arising from relationships with others. Only difference is:

* First, the victory over himself is concentrating on efforts to fight for the vision, realize its goal of short-term or long term, or in order to actualize the potential for achievement. For example, we face the battle of office politics has reached another level dropped. As far as we are still able to concentrate minds and act on the vision, goals, and the actualization, then we have achieved victory.

* Second, the victory over self that maintain the values of truth, goodness, and Useful was not debated anymore because it was absolute. In some cases, this requires sacrifices and often looks like a defeat. Therefore, in religion, if we even bad luck with maintaining the value, it's not unfortunate, but the exam (bala'). This exam is the moment to test whether we will commit and wait for our initiative, or only half-measures. Often there are people who have a clean hard to find a job after resign or repent of a dirty old job. If this person loses his senses, he will easily return to a dirty old job. But if he wins, he will successfully pass the exam. Because there are often a test and this defeat, so the Lord cautioned not to defend someone who was fooled by the reality of the value of a temporary and superficial.

* Third, the victory over self aligning personal interests, personal subjectivity, or the selfishness of personal desires to the values, teachings, or common sense. So, we come first before the interests of value. Everyone must have a personal interest because there use even this. The difference is, there are subordinated to the values, teachings, or common sense and some ignore it all. Proof of submission is not at all be measured from our statement in front of others, in the place of meeting, or in front of the press, but from the evidence that we do for ourselves. To borrow the phrase Covey, submission of evidence that could distinguish whether the submission is on the "What" (what is the right) or on the "Who" (personal or agency). If we've succeeded to do reflect on "what" (the value of truth that is no longer debatable), it means we're getting a good victory.

* Fourth, the victory over self in ways that avoid harm or harm, either for themselves or others. If we lose the engagement, motivation, and improvement ideas in the office because of seeing injustice, although it humanely, but we've lost his life by ourselves. Properly, while still trying to resolve injustice, then we keep doing positive things for ourselves, minimum. Victory over self that actually is not an end but a process that we must travel in order to achieve the goal. The goal is to uphold the vision, maintaining the value, or self-development. That is, if the process of reaching this goal halted because of irregularities and violations of other people, it means that the goal of victory itself was not achieved.

* Fifth, it took the victory over self and pulled out. We will win if successful draw lessons from whatever happens to us for processing a benefit or profit can we remove from ourselves. In this way means that improvements will continue to appear for improvement.

Much evidence indicates that self-victory had positive effects not only on the interpersonal relationships, but also on the domain of interpersonal relations. The positive effects that can appear either in order to encourage or face other people as opponents. For example we would like to invite our partners (husband and wife) to celebrate the birthday of the child at home. If we come up with is personal taste, all the more personal egoism, will usually meet with resistance or bring a sense of counterculture.

But if we come up with it is partisanship on the values of simplicity, welfare, or any value, it's usually better accepted and relatively smaller potential for the emergence of a sense of counterculture. Of course, should be supported with good ways of communicating that partisanship. Even if this stance has become a culture of life, usually it will be understood as charisma. Charisma will appear comparable with our alignments.

According to Terry Or-lick (The Wheel of Excellence, 2004), an expert on sports psychology, self-victory that will determine the fate of an athlete in the ring. Not all athletes who beat rival opponent will be the winner. Could be a victory when it will be the beginning of defeat. Likewise, not all athletes who were defeated in the ring it will be defeated forever. Could be a defeat when it is the road to victory.

These dynamics will be determined by the victory itself. Athletes who lose in the ring, but continue to learn from defeat, still practicing, while maintaining the values, or still have a positive attitude, will surely win eventually, either in any form. But the athletes who win in the ring, however, the lazy practice, ignoring the value, more press coverage than concentrating on training, he will lose later.

"Before you become a warrior, you must be a winner"
(Doctrine of the Samurai)

Relationship Dynamics
In everyday practice, the dynamic of human relationships. The dynamics of this relationship when referring to his thought Tom Jaap (Enabling Leadership, Achieving Result With People, 1989), can be explained as follows:

1. Concession (Concession). We realized the need to succumb to make other people feel happy about winning or (lose-win), either in the form of attitude or results.
2. Compromise (compromise). We invite others to be equally accept losses (a lose-lose), can be 50%: 50% and could be 40: 60, depending on circumstances.
3. Consensus (consensus). We create a win-win agreement, all parties felt to win, or nothing is harmed, minimum.
4. Coercion (Coercion). We lead others to be lost or to create a strategy that makes us more victory, either by force of hard or soft. Usually, this is often taken by a powerful person (the position above) or powerless (insecure or afraid)

Fourth on the dynamics that we could be there or there is a Condition as a strategy that makes us conditioned by certain external factors. Supported by a victory that far away, as we have seen its characters in advance, so there are only three possibilities:

* We will both win,
* If we lose, the defeat was not total or is not lost forever, and
* If we win, the victory was not to make others fall in prices themselves.

"The defeat was temporary in nature,
but will be immortal if we lose by ourselves. "
Mishbach | miztalie

Pengertian Islam

Aug 13th 2010 at 9:04 AM

Pengertian dari Islam adalah penerimaan dari suatu

pandangan atau suatu keadaan yang mula-mula ditolak atau

tidak diterima.

Di dalam Al-Qur’an, Islam, seringkali diartikan kerelaan

dari seseorang untuk menjalankan perintah Tuhan dan


“Moslem” adalah kata keadaan daripada Islam. Ini berkenaan

dengan orang yang bersedia (rela) menjalankan perintah Tuhan

dan mengikutinya.

“Ibrahim bukan seorang Yahudi dan bukan pula seorang Nasrani

akan tetapi dia adalah seorang yang lurus lagi menyerahkan

diri (kepada Allah) dan sekali-kali bukanlah dia dari

golongan orang-orang musyrik.” 3:67.

Dua kata-kata itu, memperoleh arti yang khusus setelah

mengenal pesan yang disampaikan oleh Nabi Muhammad.

Pesan yang disampaikan pada Muhammad dinamakan Islam, dan

mengaku percaya pada pesan-pesannya adalah juga Islam.

Moslem, berarti seorang yang mengikuti pesan Muhammad dan

percaya akan kebenarannya.

Pengertian Islam bisa kita bedah dari dua aspek, yaitu aspek kebahasaan dan aspek peristilahan. Dari segi kebahasaan, Islam berasal dari bahasa Arab yaitu dari kata salima yang mengandung arti selamat, sentosa, dan damai. Dari kata salima selanjutnya diubah menjadi bentuk aslama yang berarti berserah diri masuk dalam kedamaian. Oleh sebab itu orang yang berserah diri, patuh, dan taat kepada Allah swt. disebut sebagai orang Muslim.

Dari uraian tersebut, dapat ditarik kesimpulan bahwa kata Islam dari segi kebahasaan mengandung arti patuh, tunduk, taat, dan berserah diri kepada Allah swt. dalam upaya mencari keselamatan dan kebahagiaan hidup di dunia dan akhirat. Hal itu dilakukan atas kesadaran dan kemauan diri sendiri, bukan paksaan atau berpura-pura, melainkan sebagai panggilan dari fitrah dirinya sebagai makhluk yang sejak dalam kandungan telah menyatakan patuh dan tunduk kepada Allah.

Adapun pengertian Islam dari segi istilah, banyak para ahli yang mendefinisikannya; di antaranya Prof. Dr. Harun Nasution. Ia mengatakan bahwa Islam menurut istilah (Islam sebagai agama) adalah agama yang ajaran-ajarannya diwahyukan Tuhan kepada masyarakat manusia melalui Nabi Muhammad saw. sebagai Rasul. Islam pada hakikatnya membawa ajaran-ajaran yang bukan hanya mengenal satu segi, tetapi menganal berbagai segi dari kehidupan manusia.

Sementara itu Maulana Muhammad Ali mengatakan bahwa Islam adalah agama perdamaian; dan dua ajaran pokoknya, yaitu keesaan Allah dan kesatuan atau persaudaraan umat manusia menjadi bukti nyata bahwa agama Islam selaras benar dengan namanya. Islam bukan saja dikatakan sebagai agama seluruh Nabi Allah, sebagaimana tersebut dalam Al Qur’an, melainkan pula pada segala sesuatu yang secara tak sadar tunduk sepenuhnya pada undang-undang Allah.

Di kalangan masyarakat Barat, Islam sering diidentikkan dengan istilah Muhammadanism dan Muhammedan. Peristilahan ini timbul karena pada umumnya agama di luar Islam namanya disandarkan pada nama pendirinya. Di Persia misalnya ada agama Zoroaster. Agama ini disandarkan pada nama pendirinya, Zarathustra (W.583 SM). Agama lainnya, misalnya agama Budha, agama ini dinisbahkan kepada tokoh pendirinya, Sidharta Gautama Budha (lahir 560 SM). Demikian pula nama agama Yahudi yang disandarkan pada orang-orang Yahudi (Jews) yang berasal dari negara Juda (Judea) atau Yahuda.

Penyebutan istilah Muhammadanism dan Muhammedan untuk agama Islam, bukan saja tidak tepat, akan tetapi secara prinsip hal itu merupakan kesalahan besar. Istilah tersebut bisa mengandung arti bahwa Islam adalah paham Muhammad atau pemujaan terhadap Muhammad, sebagaimana perkataan agama Budha yang mengandung arti agama yang dibangun oleh Sidharta Gautama Budha atau paham yang berasal dari Sidharta Gautama. Analogi nama dengan agama-agama lainnya tidaklah mungkin bagi Islam.

Berdasarkan keterangan tersebut, Islam menurut istilah mengacu kepada agama yang bersumber pada wahyu yang datang dari Allah swt, bukan berasal dari manusia/Nabi Muhammad saw. Posisi Nabi dalam agama Islam diakui sebagai orang yang ditugasi Allah untuk menyebarkan ajaran Islam tersebut kepada umat manusia. Dalam proses penyebaran agama Islam, nabi terlibat dalam memberi keterangan, penjelasan, uraian, dan tata cara ibadahnya. Keterlibatan nabi ini pun berada dalam bimbingan wahyu Allah swt.

Dengan demikian, secara istilah, Islam adalah nama agama yang berasal dari Allah swt. Nama Islam tersebut memiliki perbedaan yang luar biasa dengan nama agama lainnya. Kata Islam tidak mempunyai hubungan dengan orang tertentu, golongan tertentu, atau negeri tertentu. Kata Islam adalah nama yang diberikan oleh Allah swt. Hal itu dapat dipahami dari petunjuk ayat-ayat Al Qur’an yang diturunkan Allah swt.

Selanjutnya, dilihat dari segi misi ajarannya, Islam adalah agama sepanjang sejarah manusia. Agama dari seluruh Nabi dan Rasul yang pernah diutus oleh Allah swt. pada berbagai kelompok manusia dan berbagai bangsa yang ada di dunia ini. Islam adalah agama Nabi Adam, Nabi Ibrahim, Nabi Yakub, Nabi Musa, Nabi Daud, Nabi Sulaiman, Nabi Isa, Nabi Muhammad saw. Dengan kata lain, seluruh Nabi dan Rasul beragama Islam dan mengemban risalah menyampaikan Islam. Hal itu dapat dipahami dari ayat-ayat yang terdapat di dalam Al Qur’an yang menegaskan bahwa para Nabi tersebut termasuk orang yang berserah diri kepada Allah.

Kesimpulannya, Islam secara bahasa berarti tunduk, patuh, dan damai. Sedangkan menurut istilah, Islam adalah nama agama yang diturunkan Allah untuk membimbing manusia ke jalan yang benar dan sesuai fitrah kemanusiaan. Islam diturunkan bukan kepada Nabi Muhammad saja, tapi diturunkan pula kepada seluruh nabi dan rasul. Sesungguhnya seluruh nabi dan rasul mengajarkan Islam kepada umatnya. Wallahu A’lam.

Al Qur’an menyatakan bahwa:

Sesungguhnya agama di sisi Allah (hanyalah) Islam …. Barang siapa yang mencari agama selain agama Islam, maka sekali-kali tidaklah akan diterima (agama itu) daripadanya. (Ali ‘Imraan 3:19,85).

Al Qur’an menyatakan hal ini karena kata ‘Islam’ itu sendiri berarti menyerahkan diri kepada Allah SWT Yang Maha Pencipta. Selanjutnya Al Qur’an juga menyatakan:

Sesungguhnya orang-orang beriman, orang Yahudi, orang-orang Nasrani dan orang-orang Shabiin, barangsiapa yang beriman kepada Allah, hari kemudian dan beramal saleh, mereka akan menerima pahala di sisi Tuhan mereka, tidak ada ketakutan bagi mereka, dan tidak (pula) mereka berduka cita. (Al Baqarah 2:62).

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