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Hi! I’m Jacquie Barton, a wife, mother and internet marketer based in the UK.

My cheque from Google doesn’t arrive by Fed-Ex and I certainly don’t have all the answers, in fact, I know a heck of a lot more about what NOT to do! In short, I’m the same as you – a normal person trying to find my way round the world of Internet marketing without going bankrupt, going insane or giving up!

I’ve been online for a couple of years now and I can assure you that yes, it is possible to earn money online ;-) It’s far easier to spend it though, isn’t it?

If you're wondering about the picture that's "Jake". He's my reason for working online as when the weather's nice I can bunk off and go play with him rather than being stuck in an office somewhere.
I know it's supposed to be the season of goodwill....

I know it's supposed to be the season of goodwill

Dec 19th 2010 at 12:40 AM

OK, I know it's supposed to be the season of goodwill towards fellow man and all that but I'm struggling a bit here.

I've just opened my primary email account and there are 576 new messages since yesterday. That's not my safelist email account or my 'whim' account, that's my main 'yep I did actually want to hear from you' email account.

I'd love to reply to everyone personally but I'm just too busy now the kids have broken up from school so please select the appropriate response to your message from those listed below

To "my friend"

Dear my friend,

I'm terribly sorry but I can't quite place who you are. It's obvious that you are similiarly struggling as you seem to have forgotton that I'm a) female and b) married as you keep inviting me to 'enhance my manhood' or get in touch with  '78 hot Russian girls'.

Great to see you've worked out how to guarantee a lottery win but I'm not sure why you need to keep emailing everyone and their dog about it when you obviously are already fabulously wealthy.

To "Re:"

I'd have to agree that yes, the email I sent you was fantastic but there was really no need to send it back to me as I'd already read it. I'm totally at a loss as to why you thought I'd be interested in your Ponzi program though. If you'd read my original email you'd surely have realised this and no, allowing you to subscribe (double opt in) to my autoresponder does not constitute 'showing an interest in your business' and yes, despite what you said IT IS SPAM!

To #fname#

Dear #fname#

What a great idea! No worrying about mis-spelling people's names or guessing whether it should be Mr/Mrs/Miss, we can all just use fname.

Thanks so much for sending the link for another ebook/ecourse/firesale/giveaway event. I know it must be really great cos I got 8 other identical messages about it today

I'd probably really benefit from this latest doo-dad but I haven't got round to reading the last ebook you told me about or understanding how that other bit of software actually works. As soon as I have I'll definitely take a look at this, or the one you told me about yesterday, or the one from the day before...

To traffic exchange owner

Dear TE owner

Thanks for letting me know my account is now inactive. I'd suspected it probably was for a while now as it seems I still have credits from the hour I spent surfing last month.

Based on your current rate of delivery I reckon I did have about 76 years of traffic left to come from your exchange so thanks again for letting me know I no longer need to bother watching the statistics.

To everyone else

Thanks for getting in touch. If you haven't heard back from me I'm truly sorry. Even though I've got about 76 filters set up I still can't find the message you sent me.

Please abandon emailing me. Why not get in touch through Skype? If the kids let me use the computer in the next few weeks I'll definitely be able to respond.....



Please to comment
Dec 19th 2010 at 10:47 AM by BruceBates
Overall this made me laugh, but some of the replies are a bit mistargeted.
Dec 19th 2010 at 6:18 AM by blackfolder1
Ha Ha!
Dec 19th 2010 at 1:37 AM by troywray
ROFLMAO I've often thought of blogging along these lines but never did. Now I won't bother, I'll just link to this hilarious (but so close to the truth) article. Love it!

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