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|Win Lose In a Relationship
Lock It Self Victory
The term of this lose-win very often we come up with in the practice of relationship with others (Relationship). The relationship here could include the relationship in public areas (business partners, professional colleagues, lecturers, etc.) and relationships in private areas (husband and wife, family, friends, etc.). The form can also be material and non material, may be in the results or in the form of the process.
The urge to get that victory, if by Horne (Our Inner Conflict, 1945), including one human needs or include an innate instinct of everyone. According to him, human needs can be grouped into three:
1. Humans need to move toward others to get love, acceptance, compassion, respect, etc.
2. Humans need to move away from others to gain freedom, independence, peace, etc.
3. Humans need to move against another person to show strength, victory, or greatness, etc.
However, his name is also innate. It is the innate potential. That potential raw material. Therefore, can be harmful and could be profitable. It depends on how that potential is processed or "educated\". Someone I know, let's call her name A, realizes that her relationship with others that had been lost, although previously he had always considered it a victory.
When I was young, he was feeling a temperament A high and a perfectionist. With blood in his youth, he always had a standard that others who need to understand who he is. Coupled with his mastery of the skill that high, it was perfect standard to be applied. Few found irregularities in others, directly out ultimatums. This made him frequently changing business partners, and also moved a lot of work.
Over time, he apparently changed his mind. In conclusion, a victory that he had glorified, it is less able to provide quality long-lasting relationships. The urge to always have to win it even led to the defeat in the future. Shape, among others: the relation is not much, the relation is only temporary, lack of loyal supporters, and so on.
From a number of similar cases that often we meet, it is always relative and victory is relative, as far as we understand it as a synonym for the defeat of others. Why? Besides often driven by passion, victory by beating the other person will create resistance. This is because no human being who want to be defeated. Therefore, His strong doctrine teaches that until we have to win against any other person, should not make others fall in prices.
So the victory was not relative and not relative, wisdom teachings in this world invites us to understand the victory was not like that. The victory was not to be understood as a synonym for the defeat of others, especially in the practice of everyday relationships, but the victory over self. Victory over self is the form that we achieve victory by mastering an innate instinct to win so do not make us lose, eventually.
"The more people who managed to beat us,
often only made us increasingly weak positions"
Some characteristics of Self Victory
The man who won over him was not a figure who has never advanced to compete in a lose-win relationship. The man who won over him was not a very good figure, so too will be victimized by others. The man who won over him was not a man who never mad at anyone else.
Need we recall that the victory itself that there is at the level of interpersonal relationships between us and ourselves. That there are others who opened the door of lose-win contest, there are other people who harm and benefit, there are others that need to be respected or reprimanded, that\'s all there at the level of interpersonal relations between us and others.
In essence, the man who triumphed over him was still doing the things that human life or still face realities consequences arising from relationships with others. Only difference is:
* First, the victory over himself is concentrating on efforts to fight for the vision, realize its goal of short-term or long term, or in order to actualize the potential for achievement. For example, we face the battle of office politics has reached another level dropped. As far as we are still able to concentrate minds and act on the vision, goals, and the actualization, then we have achieved victory.
* Second, the victory over self that maintain the values of truth, goodness, and Useful was not debated anymore because it was absolute. In some cases, this requires sacrifices and often looks like a defeat. Therefore, in religion, if we even bad luck with maintaining the value, it's not unfortunate, but the exam (bala'). This exam is the moment to test whether we will commit and wait for our initiative, or only half-measures. Often there are people who have a clean hard to find a job after resign or repent of a dirty old job. If this person loses his senses, he will easily return to a dirty old job. But if he wins, he will successfully pass the exam. Because there are often a test and this defeat, so the Lord cautioned not to defend someone who was fooled by the reality of the value of a temporary and superficial.
* Third, the victory over self aligning personal interests, personal subjectivity, or the selfishness of personal desires to the values, teachings, or common sense. So, we come first before the interests of value. Everyone must have a personal interest because there use even this. The difference is, there are subordinated to the values, teachings, or common sense and some ignore it all. Proof of submission is not at all be measured from our statement in front of others, in the place of meeting, or in front of the press, but from the evidence that we do for ourselves. To borrow the phrase Covey, submission of evidence that could distinguish whether the submission is on the "What" (what is the right) or on the "Who" (personal or agency). If we've succeeded to do reflect on "what" (the value of truth that is no longer debatable), it means we're getting a good victory.
* Fourth, the victory over self in ways that avoid harm or harm, either for themselves or others. If we lose the engagement, motivation, and improvement ideas in the office because of seeing injustice, although it humanely, but we've lost his life by ourselves. Properly, while still trying to resolve injustice, then we keep doing positive things for ourselves, minimum. Victory over self that actually is not an end but a process that we must travel in order to achieve the goal. The goal is to uphold the vision, maintaining the value, or self-development. That is, if the process of reaching this goal halted because of irregularities and violations of other people, it means that the goal of victory itself was not achieved.
* Fifth, it took the victory over self and pulled out. We will win if successful draw lessons from whatever happens to us for processing a benefit or profit can we remove from ourselves. In this way means that improvements will continue to appear for improvement.
Much evidence indicates that self-victory had positive effects not only on the interpersonal relationships, but also on the domain of interpersonal relations. The positive effects that can appear either in order to encourage or face other people as opponents. For example we would like to invite our partners (husband and wife) to celebrate the birthday of the child at home. If we come up with is personal taste, all the more personal egoism, will usually meet with resistance or bring a sense of counterculture.
But if we come up with it is partisanship on the values of simplicity, welfare, or any value, it's usually better accepted and relatively smaller potential for the emergence of a sense of counterculture. Of course, should be supported with good ways of communicating that partisanship. Even if this stance has become a culture of life, usually it will be understood as charisma. Charisma will appear comparable with our alignments.
According to Terry Or-lick (The Wheel of Excellence, 2004), an expert on sports psychology, self-victory that will determine the fate of an athlete in the ring. Not all athletes who beat rival opponent will be the winner. Could be a victory when it will be the beginning of defeat. Likewise, not all athletes who were defeated in the ring it will be defeated forever. Could be a defeat when it is the road to victory.
These dynamics will be determined by the victory itself. Athletes who lose in the ring, but continue to learn from defeat, still practicing, while maintaining the values, or still have a positive attitude, will surely win eventually, either in any form. But the athletes who win in the ring, however, the lazy practice, ignoring the value, more press coverage than concentrating on training, he will lose later.
"Before you become a warrior, you must be a winner"
(Doctrine of the Samurai)
In everyday practice, the dynamic of human relationships. The dynamics of this relationship when referring to his thought Tom Jaap (Enabling Leadership, Achieving Result With People, 1989), can be explained as follows:
1. Concession (Concession). We realized the need to succumb to make other people feel happy about winning or (lose-win), either in the form of attitude or results.
2. Compromise (compromise). We invite others to be equally accept losses (a lose-lose), can be 50%: 50% and could be 40: 60, depending on circumstances.
3. Consensus (consensus). We create a win-win agreement, all parties felt to win, or nothing is harmed, minimum.
4. Coercion (Coercion). We lead others to be lost or to create a strategy that makes us more victory, either by force of hard or soft. Usually, this is often taken by a powerful person (the position above) or powerless (insecure or afraid)
Fourth on the dynamics that we could be there or there is a Condition as a strategy that makes us conditioned by certain external factors. Supported by a victory that far away, as we have seen its characters in advance, so there are only three possibilities:
* We will both win,
* If we lose, the defeat was not total or is not lost forever, and
* If we win, the victory was not to make others fall in prices themselves.
"The defeat was temporary in nature,
but will be immortal if we lose by ourselves. "
Membangun Motivasi Dalam Diri
Cita-cita atau tujuan hidup ini hanya bisa diraih jika anda
memiliki motivasi yang kuat dalam diri anda. Tanpa
motivasi apapun, sulit sekali anda menggapai apa yang
Tapi tak dapat dipungkiri, memang cukup sulit
membangun motivasi di dalam diri sendiri. Bahkan
mungkin anda nggak tahu pasti bagaimana cara
membangun motivasi di dalam diri sendiri.Padahal
sesungguhnya banyak hal yang dapat dilakukan untuk
menumbuhkan motivasi tersebut. Caranya...? coba simak
kiat berikut ini:
Ciptakan sesuatu yang dapat "membangunkan" dan
membangkitkan gairah anda saat pagi menjelang.
Misalnya, anda berpikir esok hari harus mendapatkan
keuntungan 1 milyar rupiah. Walau kedengarannya
mustahil, tapi sensasi ini kadang memacu semangat anda
untuk berkarya lebih baik lagi melebihi apa yang sudah
anda lakukan kemarin.
Kembangkan terus tujuan anda
Jangan pernah terpaku pada satu tujuan yang sederhana.
Tujuan hidup yang terlalu sederhana membuat anda tidak
memiliki kekuatan lebih.
Padahal untuk meraih sesuatu anda memerlukan tantangan
yang lebih besar, untuk mengerahkan kekuatan anda yang
sebenarnya. Tujuan hidup yang besar akan
membangkitkan motivasi dan kekuatan tersendiri dalam
Tetapkan saat kematian
Anda perlu memikirkan saat kematian meskipun gejala ke
arah itu tidak dapat diprediksikan. Membayangkan saatsaat
terakhir dalam hidup ini sesungguhnya merupakan
saat-saat yang sangat sensasional.
Anda dapat membayangkan 'flash back' dalam kehidupan
anda. Sejak anda menjalani masa kanak-kanak, remaja,
hingga tampil sebagai pribadi yang dewasa dan mandiri.
Jika anda membayangkan 'ajal' anda sudah dekat, akan
memotivasi anda untuk berbuat lebih banyak lagi selama
Tinggalkan teman yang tidak perlu
Jangan ragu untuk meninggalkan teman-teman yang tidak
dapat mendorong anda mencapai tujuan. Sebab, siapapun
teman anda, seharusnya mampu membawa anda pada
perubahan yang lebih baik.
Ketahuilah bergaul dengan orang-orang yang optimis akan
membuat anda berpikir optimis pula. Bersama mereka
hidup ini terasa lebih menyenangkan dan penuh motivasi.
Hampiri bayangan ketakutan
Saat anda dibayang-bayangi kecemasan dan ketakutan,
jangan melarikan diri dari bayangan tersebut. Misalnya
selama ini anda takut akan menghadapi masa depan yang
Datang dan nikmati rasa takut anda dengan mencoba
mengatasinya. Saat anda berhasil mengatasi rasa takut,
saat itu anda telah berhasil meningkatkan keyakinan diri
bahwa anda mampu mencapai hidup yang lebih baik.
Ucapkan "selamat datang" pada setiap masalah
Jalan untuk mencapai tujuan tidak selamanya semulus
jalan tol. Suatu saat anda akan menghadapi jalan terjal,
menanjak dan penuh bebatuan.
Jangan memutar arah untuk mengambil jalan pintas.
Hadapi terus jalan tersebut dan pikirkan cara terbaik untuk
bisa melewatinya. Jika anda memandang masalah sebagai
sesuatu yang mengerikan, anda akan semakin sulit
Sebaliknya bila anda selalu siap menghadapi setiap
masalah, anda seakan memiliki energi dan semangat
berlebih untuk mencapai tujuan anda.
Mulailah dengan rasa senang
Jangan pernah merasa terbebani dengan tujuan hidup anda.
Coba nikmati hidup dan jalan yang anda tempuh. Jika
sejak awal anda sudah merasa 'tidak suka' rasanya
motivasi hidup tidak akan pernah anda miliki.
Berlatih dengan keras
Tidak bisa tidak, anda harus berlatih terus bila ingin
mendapatkan hasil terbaik. Pada dasarnya tidak ada yang
tidak dapat anda raih jika anda terus berusaha keras.
Semakin giat berlatih semakin mudah pula mengatasi
Kesimpulannya, motivasi adalah 'sesuatu' yang dapat
menumbuhkan semangat anda dalam rangka mencapai
Dengan motivasi yang kuat di dalam diri sendiri, anda
akan memiliki apresiasi dan penghargaan yang tinggi
terhadap diri dan hidup ini. Sehingga anda pun nggak ragu
lagi melangkah mencapai tujuan dan cita-cita hidup anda!
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