StephanieElizabeth | stephaniebeth

I'm writing a book!

Oct 29th 2010 at 8:05 PM

Hey. Two years ago, a few months before I got diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I decided I was going to write a book. I was manic at the time, so lots of excellent ideas were pouring out of that little head of mine and I decided to put them down on paper. I wrote a rough outline, sketched out my ideas and wrote my first few pages. My friends loved the premise for it and all begged to have their names included somewhere, and my parents thought I was crazy- until they actually heard all of my ideas and my first draft. Suddenly everyone was on my side and it seemed like the right thing to do. I made video logs with each new idea I came up with and was really excited about it.

Suddenly I got this illness diagnosed and I lost interest. The main reason being is that I had been running around like a headless chicken for about three months, barely eating or sleeping because I didn't feel the need and throwing out all of my inspiration for the world to see but I guess my parents thought I'd suffer from burnout if it went for much longer. I got sick of being reminded of all of the random things I got up to, and felt so much shame everytime my book got brought up and decided not to write it.

I was going to use it as a way to preach my faith and the things I believe in and broadcast issues that concerned me- a persons sexuality, bullying, suicide, idenity crisis's, sibling relationships, love etc. In a way it was set up to be my own biography, because theres no way I could share all of the things I've been through in my life because many have shamed me and theres people that would probably kill me if I named names or made it too obvious that it was about them... so for every character, there would have been an element of me included. When I was a kid I had a speech problem so I pretty much lived in my own world for the first few years of life, I went through periods of having no friends, of extreme loneliness and of getting bullied, entertaining thoughts of suicide and injuring myself and times when I felt completely betrayed. I wanted a way to express those feelings and finally let them rest and also to reach out to people going through the same things. I never felt like there were enough resources for people getting bullied. When I heard of Taylor Swift she was a becon of hope for me because she said she was bullied, but the things she said about it seemed pretty tame and she doesn't talk or sing about it that much. Maybe shes scared of bringing it up again or she doesn't feel the need. I don't know.

I read the biography of a student who got shot at Columbine highschool in 1999 and she was a Christian. The book taught many great lessons from her life before she got shot (she kept a diary) and I realised that maybe writing this book is something that God wants me to do- if I don't do it, I won't just be hurting myself, but other people who could benefit from reading my words.

Here is an excerpt from her book:

Gloves of Conviction
I was opening that day for work. On Sundays, no other employees came in until 11:00, which meant I had two hours of work to do by myself and then open the store for another hour alone with customers.

Usually no one comes in until about 11:30 on a Sunday morning anyway, so I always have plenty of time on my hands. I couldn't believe how windy and cloudy it was. The cold of the breeze alone could bring you to a chill.

It was 10:00 so I flipped the switch for the open sign and unlocked the doors. It must have only been five minutes after that when I heard the doorbell ringing, telling me I had a customer. I went out front and began to put the gloves on, ready to make the first sandwich of the day.

I looked up and saw a woman who must have been in her late forties. She was wearing several layers of clothing, They were torn and dirty. Her face was dark from dirt. She was shivering, and then she began to cough in an almost uncontrollable manner. She looked up at me after she was all right and gave me such a warm smile.

''What can I do for you, Ma'am?'' I asked.

She looked at me pleasantly and said, ''Oh I was just wondering if you happen to know what time the buses were coming. I have been waiting out in the cold for two hours. You think they wouldn't be so late, espesically on a Saturday.''

I felt bad when I told her it was actually Sunday. She looked at me with such embarrassment and shock.

''Oh no,'' she said. ''I need to get back down town. I thought it was Saturday. Do you mind if I just sit here for a while until I figure out what to do?''

I told her no problem, and she sat at the table in the far corner. As I looked at her and the situation more carefully, I realized she must have been so poor, and maybe even homeless. She was dressed in the dingiest clothes that hadn't been washed in a while. She had a snug, winter hat on, three layers of flannel, baggy pants, worn-through tennis shoes, and gloves. Her gloves were turned inside out. They had fringes coming off all sides. I felt right then and there that I should have made her a sandwich free of charge. Then I should talk to her, telling her that whatever she did, God loved her and wanted her to trust him and fall into her arms once again. I knew where all of this was coming from. I knew God was giving me these words and asking me to go talk to her. But what if...what if...the usual questions and doubts about why I shouldn't.

I went back to work, trying to forget about it, and hoping she would leave soon. My next customer came about an hour after that. She was a woman in her early thirties. She was well dressed in what looked like a work outfit. She had her hair pulled up nicely, and she was laced with perfume.

I made her some sandwiches, and we were at the cash register when she asked me how long the other woman had been sitting there. I told her about an hour.

''Did she get anything to eat?'' the lady asked me.

I said no, and told her about the busses. Then the lady asked me if I wouldn't mind making one more sandwich. I looked at her and smiled.

I never made a sandwich with such happiness and at the same time guilt. I told the lady no charge, and handed her a bag of chips to go with it. She thanked me and then went to the other woman.

She handed her the food and began to talk to her. They must have talked for two hours before I saw them leave. As I was cleaning the tables and feeling bad for not talking to the woman myself, I noticed that she had left her gloves.

I told God that I was sorry for disobeying him. He told me something that will always give me a boldness in these situations, something that will never make me hesitate to tell others of him:

''You feel like she missed something because you lost your boldness, but she didn't lose her opportunity. The other woman is sharing with her right now and she will not lose out on me.''

''You lost. You passed up a chance to gain something. You just letg a wonderful flame go past you and into the hands of another. Let this be known, child, when you do not follow through with the boldness and knowledge I have given you, more than one person is affected by it. You are as well as they are.''

- Rachels Tears (The Spiritual Journey of Columbine Martyr Rachel Scott) by Beth Nimmo and Darrell Scott.

This story tells that we should always show compassion for the underdog of society and never let an opportunity to help one someone in need pass as by. You don't have to believe in God or a higher being to practice being a Good Samiritain either, its something you should do because you are human and we all need a hand up from time to time.

I don't want to let another opportunity to do Gods work pass me by. I think this book may be self serving in a way, but hopefully by the time it gets around to being fully written and published, it will be something I am doing because God wants me to and I would have taken away any detail from the book that doesnt meet that purpose. I don't think you can ever be 100% sure what God wants from us but this book has been on the backburner for two years now, and I think its time to do something about it. Hopefully with the proceeds I make from it I'll be able to build a school in Haiti or something. I guess thats up to God as well. And maybe pay for University and set up my own photo studio :) I guess it depends on how well the book does if it ever gets written.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a great day and they didn't feel like I got too preachy on them. The reason I shared the story is because it was the kick I needed to start writing again, not to shove Christianity morals in your face. I read this story last night and it really affected me so I'm hoping others will feel the same when they read it, regardless of their beliefs.

Please to comment
May 19th 2017 at 12:15 PM by shadow33
Jul 29th 2012 at 3:14 PM by ckatecu
Good luck! Hope you finish your book soon!
Sep 8th 2011 at 9:24 AM by A4003
Hello Stephanie; terrific writing. I have thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Thank you for sharing. Please do continue to write your book.
Mar 31st 2011 at 8:34 PM by doddee
Hello Stephanie, You write very well and I wish you much success with your book. Thank you so much for sharing. Doddee
Nov 21st 2010 at 3:18 PM by jimfridas
Lovely I am writing a book too my dear, hope your book is truly successful! Let me know when it is published.
Nov 10th 2010 at 6:44 AM by cmsolution
I hope that you will be able to finish your work asap.
Nov 8th 2010 at 8:41 PM by lifepro
I like your writing style and wish you good luck with your book. I only wish I knew how to write one, because my life, too, has had so many ups and downs, emotionally and otherwise.. Good and plenty of material to write about.
Nov 7th 2010 at 6:20 PM by RHAPSODY
Oh and my daughters 21 to Stephanie
Nov 7th 2010 at 6:17 PM by RHAPSODY
Never give up on anything Stephanie. My experiences include mass road trauma, cancer and tumors along with many other serious illnessufferings. I am 55 and still challenging everything in front of me for good cause. If you follow my other page you will find the story of my wife and I am continually looking for help and never giving up hope. My daughter was bullied badly at school as well and she never gives up and is a pillar of strength to me each and evry day .. So remember that you are a credit to your gender Stephanie Beth
Nov 2nd 2010 at 4:26 AM by thameski
Hello Stephanie, I believe J Archer is bi-polar and he has done very well in a writing career. Lots of famous people have this condition so "nil desperandum", as they say.
Nov 1st 2010 at 9:02 PM by riniepeace
Hello Stephanie, What a pleasure to meet you! I am truly touched by what you have shared, and I just want to share with you, that the only thing that keeps us from doing what God has purposed and planned for us to do is ourselves, and when we began to walk in doubt, fear, and worry, then here comes the enemy rearing his old ugly head all up in our business! You bring me to the remembrance of my expired nephew, he suffered through a lot, had big dreams and a big heart, very loving and creative...and I just want to encourage you to stay on the right path, walk in your obedience unto God, and He will Surely lead you all the way! I am so very proud of you, and I cannot wait until your book is out, I am ready to buy a copy! And as the writer Paul said..."I am not ashamed of the Gospel"... so don't you ever be ashamed to share the Hope that lies within you! I have already written several books, two need to be doctored on a bit, but I have one that has been sitting for far too long and it is time! I am speaking that it is published and out on the bookshelves on December 31, 2010. The name of my book is "Trapped in Bondage, but now I'm set FREE! I bless God for calling upon me to write this book to set the captives free! God has nothing but great purpose in all He does, and He has great plans for all His children! Blessings and Miracles unto you! I will be praying for you as well. I encourage you to write, write, write! You have an assignment, and let no one stop you from accomplishing all that you know God has in store for you! God is so Faithful! Rinie Peace
Oct 31st 2010 at 9:46 AM by flconversation
Hello Stephanie, thanks for sharing your first steps on creating your book. Go for it. Proceed when you feel like it, God will guide you. Receive my warmest greetings.
Oct 31st 2010 at 6:42 AM by my4re
Hi Stephanie, Thanks for following me, let me encourage you by telling you that God Loves you first. He chose you before you chose Him and He knew you before this earth was created. Give him all the Glory and Praise in what ever you do and your life will be blessed.Never give up and continue to write what God puts in your heart. You can learn about me at my Google profile.Have a Blessed Sunday.'s the link
Oct 30th 2010 at 10:20 AM by Cash2flow
Stephanie, I love your writing, so full of self reflection and compassion.I can surely relate to self editing around the uncomfortable parts that include other people. I am thinking more in terms now, of observation in my own writings-not many people involved at all. keep it up.
Oct 30th 2010 at 9:37 AM by SmallEnginesgo
My sister in-law wrote a book and got it published not that long ago as I found out. It was a story about a Native Indian wanting to be buried in the traditional way.
Oct 30th 2010 at 3:02 AM by Siamak
Yes, we appreciate the fact that you are sharing this with us and We all will be asking for a free copy ;)
Oct 30th 2010 at 1:15 AM by coolindiansurfer
Good luck with the book. Cheers
Oct 29th 2010 at 8:38 PM by drkelp
Thx Stephanie for this article. Good luck with the book.

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