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Paul O’Donnell | paulodonnell

5 Falsehoods That Will Sabotage Your Marriage

Jun 5th 2015 at 12:23 AM

Most wedding vows include a statement about truthfulness or honesty, as marriage is intended to be an open union where nothing is held secret. While little white lies are not as likely to impact a marriage significantly, there are many subjects where candor is highly recommended to maintain a healthy relationship. When it comes to matters including money, personal priorities, and interactions with your spouse, honesty is certainly the best policy.

Financial problems have led to a great many divorces, creating irreconcilable differences when two people can’t agree on economic priorities at home. A surefire way to fast-track such problems is lying about or hiding personal spending that you don’t want your spouse to be aware of. Secretive behavior is secretive for a reason—if you can’t bring it up openly, it’s probably not ideal for your marriage.

Often times, money disappears mysteriously because one partner spends more free time outside the home. If you’re spending your non-working hours at the hardware store planning home improvements, it’s perfectly acceptable to inform your spouse of this. If you’re truthfully spending a lot of time in bars however, that dishonesty could come back to haunt you, whether it was relatively innocent or not.

This leads to a very common lie, one which is told simultaneously to your spouse and yourself: “I am who I am.” While literally accurate, this statement suggests that personal growth is no longer a possibility, thereby requiring your family to accept your shortcomings as ingrained character quirks or flaws. The simple fact is that everyone is capable of changing aspects of their behavior, and assuming the Popeye defense is not a substitute for avoiding actions which are harmful to your marriage.

Such behavior manifests itself in many ways, and is often covered with additional layers of lies. When you fail to fulfill a commitment to your spouse due to self-interest or any form of disregard, softening the blow with untrue statements is a risky proposition. Own your mistakes, take responsibility, and grow from them. Continuing to mislead your partner only continues to devalue your relationship with that person.

Finally, perhaps the hardest lie to avoid telling is one you might not realize is a lie. The statement “everything is fine” is usually given in response to being asked what’s wrong, and lying to yourself or your partner when there actually are matters of consequence helps nothing. If something is wrong in life or in your relationship, get it out in the open and let your spouse help you work through it. You’ll likely grow as a couple and find peace of mind in the process.

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Author Bio:-

Paul advises people on divorce and family law matters. You can find his thoughts at Tumblr blog.

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